Societal expectations have always been present in human history; they are an integral part of our culture that shapes our beliefs, values, attitudes, behaviors, and actions. This applies to sexuality and intimacy for everyone, including LGBTQ+ individuals. Sexual norms and standards dictate how people interact with their bodies and those of others physically, emotionally, and mentally. These include concepts such as gender roles, physical appearances, desires, preferences, needs, and consent. In this article, I will discuss how societal expectations influence sexual decision-making, intimacy, and relational satisfaction among LGBTQ youth.
Sexual Decision Making:
In the United States, heteronormativity prevails, which means the notion that heterosexuality is the standard form of sexual orientation. As a result, LGBTQ+ youth may feel pressure to conform to these social norms or face judgment, rejection, discrimination, violence, and other forms of oppression. This could lead them to repress their true identities, suppressing their feelings and exploring their sexuality alone or secretly. They may fear coming out due to the stigma associated with being queer and worry about losing family members, friends, jobs, housing, safety, or security. The constant fear of not fitting into society can impact their self-esteem and confidence, making them hesitant to pursue romantic relationships or express their sexuality. Such pressures can also make it difficult for them to find safe spaces where they can explore themselves without prejudice or scrutiny.
Some LGBTQ+ youth may feel compelled to hide their sexuality from partners or acquaintances who do not accept it, leading to unhealthy relationships based on deception, lies, and manipulation. This affects their decision-making process regarding sex because they must carefully select partners who will respect and understand their identity rather than judge or condemn them.
Sexual education in schools typically focuses on heteronormative content such as penis-in-vagina intercourse, leaving LGBTQ+ youth unaware of other options such as anal sex, oral sex, or masturbation techniques for different body parts.
Intimacy:
Societal expectations shape intimate experiences beyond decisions related to sex.
Gender roles dictate how men and women should behave during physical contact. Men are expected to be assertive and dominant while women are passive and submissive.
This does not apply to non-binary people, whose identities fall outside the gender binary. Therefore, there is no set pattern for how they should act during intimacy. Some LGBTQ+ youth may face societal pressure that prevents them from embracing their true selves, thus limiting their sexual expression. They may feel ashamed of desiring same-sex relationships due to social stigma, which leads them to suppress their feelings and needs, making it challenging to achieve fulfilling intimacy. The lack of acceptance can also lead to unhealthy habits like using substances to mask negative emotions during sexual encounters or engaging in risky behaviors such as unsafe sex with multiple partners without protection. Moreover, some communities consider certain acts immoral or sinful, leading to religious oppression against LGBTQ+ individuals, making it difficult for them to explore themselves freely. This could make them avoid intimacy altogether, struggle with self-worth issues, suffer from depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts.
Relational Satisfaction:
LGBTQ+ youth may experience a double bind regarding relational satisfaction because they must navigate between meeting society's expectations and their own needs. Society expects them to conform to traditional heterosexual norms when forming romantic relationships, but this is impossible if they are attracted to someone of the same sex. As a result, they may seek validation through external sources by trying to fit into stereotypes, leading to dissatisfaction when these do not align with their authentic selves.
They may worry about being judged or rejected for nonconformity, leading to fear and uncertainty in their romantic lives. Some may even deny their sexuality or identity altogether to maintain relationships that fail to meet their needs.
It is possible to find partners who embrace diversity and understand LGBTQ+ culture, values, and beliefs. These couples create a safe space where they feel free to express themselves without judgment and enjoy fulfilling relationships based on mutual respect, trust, honesty, communication, and intimacy.