The military is a deeply patriarchal institution that has traditionally enforced strict gender roles for both men and women.
The experiences of combat can challenge these rigid norms and create unique dynamics between partners who have served together. Traumatic events like war, battle, injury, death, and PTSD can profoundly impact individuals' identities and relationships.
A soldier may lose her sense of self-worth after witnessing horrific violence or feeling helpless to protect those under their command. As a result, she may turn away from traditional feminine behaviors like emotional vulnerability, cooking, and cleaning in favor of more masculine activities like hunting and fishing. This shift in identity could cause strain within the couple if the partner expects them to remain fully feminine while also dealing with trauma symptoms.
Male soldiers may feel pressured to uphold traditional masculinity despite experiencing severe emotional distress, leading to increased aggression and withdrawal. They may become unable to express fear, grief, or sadness without feeling shame due to societal expectations. This can lead to misunderstandings and resentment within their relationship as their spouse struggles to support and connect with them emotionally. The stressors of military life can also make it difficult for couples to maintain sexual intimacy due to physical injuries, exhaustion, and mental health issues like depression and anxiety. These challenges can further exacerbate gender role conflicts as one person feels pressure to meet all their partner's needs while struggling with their own.
In addition to these individual effects, trauma can also influence the way couples interact with each other. A soldier might find it hard to share emotions verbally, leading to frustration when their partner wants emotional closeness. On the other hand, some couples find that they rely on each other even more deeply during times of crisis, creating stronger bonds through shared suffering.
This too comes with its own set of complications, such as codependency or enabling behavior.
Military trauma creates a complex dynamic between partners where both individuals must navigate shifting identities and expectations while trying to rebuild trust after intense experiences.
In what ways does trauma challenge traditional gender roles within military relationships?
Traumatic experiences can lead to disruption of traditional gender roles within military relationships as individuals may need to redefine their identities and expectations of themselves and their partners due to the effects of PTSD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, etc. The stressors associated with deployment, combat exposure, sexual assault, and other forms of violence can also alter communication patterns between couples, leading to friction and misunderstanding.