Ethical Play Honors Silence, Too
Consent is fundamental to good play. Many players assume it involves explicit verbal discussion beforehand. But silence also conveys agreement, especially at events where not everyone speaks English. Here's how players honor silence.
Inconsistent Communication Styles
Not all guests at a play party have equal facility speaking, hearing, or understanding written English. Even if they do, some prefer to communicate silently. They may be deaf, mute, introverted, shy, traumatized, or simply quiet. The most effective ethics respect varied communication styles.
Nodding means yes; shaking head means no. When someone nods, they mean "yes" to whatever was said. If the question involved multiple choices, they indicate their preferred one. For example, they might nod for a red strap or shake their head for green. Non-verbal consent can also include pointing, sign language, and eye contact.
Non-Verbal Color Codes
Many play parties use color codes to signal desires. Guests wear specific wristbands, lanyards, glow bracelets, necklaces, or jewelry. These indicate whether they're open to certain activities or limits. For instance, green bands imply that guests are willing to kiss and touch anywhere but don't want sex. Red ones mean they only want kissing—nothing more. By wearing these colors, participants make non-verbal agreements without saying anything.
Adaptive Ethical Systems
Effective ethics adapt to diverse situations. It might seem obvious that you need clear verbal consent beforehand. But consider those who cannot hear well, have speech impediments, speak quietly, or fear rejection. Non-verbal systems help them communicate comfortably.
Risk of Misunderstanding
Consent protocols must account for linguistic differences, physical disabilities, and mental health issues. Some players with autism struggle to understand spoken English due to auditory processing problems. Others are highly sensitive to noise and feel overwhelmed by talkative environments. Non-verbal systems let them participate safely in groups.
Silence as Yes
Nods, gestures, and colors all convey "yes". This may seem counterintuitive: how can silence be affirmation? Yet it conveys agreement the same way shaking one's head says no. At play parties, not everyone will speak up during introductions or pre-play negotiations. So non-verbal means of consent honor their preferences while allowing all to participate.
Tips for Silent Players
If you're a quiet player at an event, here are tips to stay safe:
1) Ask about communication styles. Do most people use words? Or is there a system based on nods, eye contact, or wristbands? If so, find out what each color means before proceeding. If not, ask if they'll respect your desire for silence. Be cautious if someone pressures you into speaking more than you're comfortable.
2) Wear non-verbal signals. If appropriate, wear colored glow jewelry or other accessories that show others where you stand. Make sure these match those worn by other guests. Otherwise you may misunderstand each other.
3) Find a buddy who understands. Choose someone who knows how to communicate well in different situations. They could help translate verbal offers into gestures or sign language. Likewise, they might explain complex rules without overloading you with details.
4) Consider text messaging. Some players use phones to send private messages discreetly. They may even take pictures of written contracts as proof of agreements. But make sure your device is charged and ready! You don't want to miss important information due to battery issues.
5) Practice self-care. Even if you can't talk much, ensure you look after yourself. Bring snacks, water, blankets, and noise-cancelling headphones. Avoid overstimulating situations, especially if you have sensory processing differences. Take breaks if needed—and don't feel guilty about saying no.
Ethical play embraces all kinds of communication styles—including silent ones. By honoring quiet players, we uphold everyone's dignity and rights. Non-verbal systems let them participate safely while avoiding rejection, stigma, or miscommunication. So the next time you attend a play party, keep this in mind: ethical play honors silence too.