When a veteran experiences a decrease or change in sexual desire or functioning due to trauma, they may feel embarrassed and ashamed about it. They might worry that their partner will be upset, frustrated, or even reject them. This can cause intense feelings of guilt and self-doubt. As they try to cope with these emotions, they may withdraw from their partner physically and emotionally, leading to further strain on the relationship. The veteran's fear of disappointment is often accompanied by feelings of helplessness, anxiety, depression, and isolation. It can also lead to a sense of hopelessness and a belief that there is no solution for this problem. All of these emotional processes can create a vicious cycle that makes it difficult for the couple to communicate openly and honestly about their concerns, leading to more distance between them and making it harder for them to find ways to address their problems together.
What causes veterans to feel shame?
Traumatic events can have a profound impact on a person's psyche, including their sexuality and intimacy. Veterans who experience trauma during military service may develop posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which can manifest as flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and avoidance behaviors. These symptoms can make it difficult for them to connect with others, including their romantic partners, and can affect their ability to engage in normal sexual activity. Veterans may also feel guilty about not being able to perform sexually, especially if they are trying to please their partner. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, further exacerbating the shame and embarrassment associated with their condition.
How does guilt affect communication between partners?
The guilt and shame that accompanies decreased or changed sexual desire or functioning due to trauma can make it challenging for veterans to communicate openly and honestly with their partners. They may worry that their partner will judge them or be disappointed by their lack of interest or performance. This can lead to withdrawal from physical and emotional closeness, creating even greater distance between them. The fear of rejection and abandonment can also make it difficult for veterans to trust their partners enough to share their experiences, leading to more secrecy and isolation. In addition, veterans may feel like they cannot ask for help because they believe their problems are too personal or private. This can result in a sense of hopelessness and helplessness, making it seem impossible to find a solution.
What strategies can help couples cope with these issues?
Veterans who experience changes in their sexuality after military service should seek professional help from a qualified therapist who specializes in treating PTSD. Couples counseling can also be beneficial in helping partners understand each other's needs and develop healthy ways of communicating and resolving conflict. Other strategies include sharing feelings without blame or judgment, practicing self-compassion and forgiveness, and engaging in nonsexual activities that promote intimacy and connection. It is important for both parties to be patient, supportive, and understanding during this process, recognizing that healing takes time and effort. With commitment and perseverance, however, many couples can overcome the obstacles posed by trauma and create a fulfilling and satisfying relationship.
What emotional processes unfold when a veteran fears disappointing their partner due to trauma-related changes in sexual desire or functioning?
When a veteran experiences trauma, they may struggle with a variety of physical, cognitive, and emotional symptoms that can impact their sexual desires or functioning. This can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame, which can create a sense of failure for themselves and their relationship. Fear of disappointment may arise as they worry about how their partner will respond to these changes.