The article is about how being emotionally close to someone can heighten the sense of vulnerability during interpersonal conflict. When there are tensions between partners, it can be tempting to push them aside because they seem insignificant compared to other aspects of life.
When the conflict involves emotions and concerns that have been cultivated through physical intimacy, it becomes harder to ignore or rationalize away. This is why sexual closeness makes certain conflicts feel more existential or threatening than they would in a non-sexual relationship.
When people share an emotional bond, it's easy to become so accustomed to the feeling of comfort and safety that they forget how quickly it can disappear. While physical intimacy isn't necessary for all forms of affection, it does tend to create a unique form of attachment.
If you've made love with someone, then suddenly find yourself disagreeing about something important, your brain might perceive this as a rejection or betrayal. It's like a flashback to a time when you were rejected by your partner, which triggers deep fears of abandonment or loss. The same holds true for any kind of conflict related to trust, respect, or loyalty.
Sexual closeness creates expectations for continued physical contact. If a couple has sex regularly, it can be difficult to imagine going days without touching each other. This desire can compel them to avoid confrontation and sweep things under the rug until the issue blows up later on. Unfortunately, this just adds fuel to the fire and increases the risk of breakup. Instead of trying to get rid of feelings or hide from reality, partners need to communicate openly and honestly about their desires, needs, and boundaries.
Sexual closeness makes both parties more vulnerable to manipulation tactics such as guilt trips or blame shifting. Because physical intimacy fosters dependency and dependence, one person may use these behaviors to maintain power over the other.
They might claim that if the other person really loved them, they would give in to their demands even though those demands are unreasonable or unfair. On the flip side, the victim might feel so guilty about causing hurt that they put up with abusive behavior out of self-preservation. In either case, there is no room for healthy communication because emotions have become muddled by sex.
Being emotionally close heightens our sensitivity to interpersonal conflicts because it provides an extra layer of meaning to interactions. When two people care deeply about each other, they're more likely to interpret actions as personal attacks rather than objective statements. By recognizing this dynamic, couples can learn how to navigate conflict constructively instead of letting it destroy their relationship.
How does sexual closeness make certain emotional conflicts feel more existential or threatening than they would in a non-sexual relationship?
Sexual intimacy tends to intensify emotional conflicts because it involves greater vulnerability and exposure of personal feelings, desires, and insecurities, which can be even more difficult to navigate when there is fear of rejection or betrayal. In addition, sexual relationships may involve deeper levels of attachment, commitment, and trust that can magnify the impact of perceived threats or breaches of trust.