The human mind is complex and fascinating. It's full of emotions, desires, wants, needs, thoughts, dreams, expectations, fears, and fantasies that drive us through life. Desire is one such feeling that often plays a vital role in our lives. We may desire various things - from food to wealth, power to fame, success to love. But what about when it comes to sex? What happens when we try too hard to perform the desired act instead of experiencing it authentically? The psychological cost can be significant. In this essay, I will explore how performing rather than experiencing desire can lead to negative outcomes in our sex lives and relationships.
Performing desire instead of living it out leads to unrealistic expectations. When we want something, we tend to create an image in our minds of how it should look like, sound like, taste like, feel like, or smell like. This mental picture becomes the standard against which we compare reality. If reality doesn't match up to this idealized version, we might get disappointed, frustrated, or even angry.
If we imagine our partner to have perfect body proportions and a flawless skin, but they don't, we might become dissatisfied with them. This can cause strain in the relationship as both parties struggle to meet each other's expectations.
Trying to perform desire can also lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and regret. Some people believe that certain sexual acts are wrong or immoral, and thus feel guilty after engaging in them. Others may feel ashamed for not being able to perform a specific act perfectly. These emotions can manifest themselves in self-doubt, low self-esteem, and even depression.
Some people may regret engaging in sex altogether, believing that it was a mistake or that it didn't live up to their fantasies.
Performing desire can also make us lose touch with ourselves. We become more focused on external validation and less on inner desires and needs. This can result in a lack of authenticity and intimacy in relationships, leading to disconnection from partners. In extreme cases, it can lead to sexual addiction, where one constantly seeks out new experiences without exploring one's true wants and needs.
Performing desire instead of experiencing it authentically has serious psychological consequences. It can lead to unrealistic expectations, negative emotions, loss of self-awareness, and a lack of intimacy. To avoid these problems, we must learn to be honest about our desires, communicate openly with partners, and explore our sexuality freely. By doing so, we can create healthy and fulfilling sexual relationships based on mutual trust, respect, and understanding.
What is the psychological cost of always trying to “perform desire†instead of experiencing it authentically?
The psychological cost of always trying to perform desire instead of experiencing it authentically can be significant. It can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and a lack of satisfaction with life. When people try to conform to societal expectations of what they "should" want or experience pleasure from, they may become disconnected from their true selves and desires. This can result in self-doubt, confusion, and a sense of alienation from others who are living more authentic lives.