The concept of love, sexual attraction, and intimacy has been evolving since the dawn of humanity. Every generation has its own unique ideas about what makes a healthy relationship, but military service members returning from war experience something that often changes their perspective on these topics completely. Deployment can bring up deep emotions, fear, anxiety, guilt, loneliness, confusion, depression, and even trauma. It is common to have thoughts like "what if I don't fit into society anymore?", "will people understand my struggles?" or "will they treat me differently because of what happened over there?". These feelings may influence how a person approaches dating and marriage. When you return home after deployment, you might be more hesitant to commit emotionally, as you worry about being able to handle it physically and mentally. You may feel less interested in sex or become more selective about who you share this aspect of yourself with. Your past experiences and current mental state could affect your desire for intimacy or make you prefer solo activities instead of partnership. If you had an unpleasant time abroad, your perception of romantic relationships may change drastically. You may find it hard to express affection, seek comfort, and allow vulnerability when interacting with others. In addition, PTSD symptoms such as nightmares, flashbacks, and hypervigilance can impair closeness and make it difficult to trust others.
Some veterans experience increased sexual appetite after deployment due to traumatic events or lack of access during their tour of duty. This can lead them to engage in risky behaviors that endanger themselves and their partners or result in shame and regret later. Others struggle with addiction or substance abuse, which further complicates healthy interactions with potential partners. Veterans who saw horrific scenes may not be able to relate to the average joe and feel uncomfortable around them, seeking out individuals who have similar backgrounds or at least understand their perspective. It is also possible that returning soldiers develop new hobbies or habits that are incompatible with conventional relationship patterns, such as gaming, partying, working, or traveling, making it harder to date someone in a traditional sense.
Some veterans suffer from physical injuries or disabilities that impact their ability to perform physically or emotionally. They might need extra support, understanding, compromise, and patience from their partner but fear rejection if they disclose these problems too early in the relationship. All of this makes dating and sex challenging for military personnel who served overseas.
Veterans can still thrive in romantic relationships despite their experiences abroad. With time and effort, they can learn to navigate these issues and open up about what happened during their service, allowing their partner to understand them better and meet their needs. A willingness to communicate honestly, seek professional help when needed, and prioritize personal growth and healing can facilitate stronger connections in the long term. Military couples must work hard to find common ground and build trust, even when there are obstacles. By being patient, respectful, and loving, they can maintain intimacy, mutual support, and deep love throughout life's ups and downs. While deployment can leave lasting marks on our psyches, we all deserve companionship and affection regardless of how we were affected by war.
How do shifting personal values after deployment reshape expectations for romantic and sexual relationships?
After deployment, veterans may experience changes in their personal values that can impact their expectations for romantic and sexual relationships. These changes may include a heightened sense of independence, increased self-awareness, and altered priorities. Veterans may find themselves seeking more meaningful connections with partners who share similar interests and values. They may also be less tolerant of behaviors that were previously acceptable and more attuned to boundaries and communication styles.