There are many challenges that military service members face while deployed abroad, one of which is relational disappointment that can arise when their expectations about sex, sexuality, eroticism, and/or intimacy formed at home conflict with their actual experiences abroad. This phenomenon has been studied extensively in recent years, with researchers exploring how these conflicts affect emotions, cognitions, behaviors, and relationships. In this article, I will discuss some of the most common causes of relational disappointment among service members abroad and how they process it.
One cause of relational disappointment is unrealistic expectations about sex, sexuality, eroticism, and/or intimacy. Military personnel may form idealized ideas about what their relationships should be like based on cultural norms and media representations. When they arrive in a new country where such norms and media depictions do not apply, they may experience disillusionment and frustration.
If someone expects to have frequent romantic encounters or casual hookups but finds it difficult to meet people who share those values, they may feel let down and confused. Similarly, if someone anticipates having a deeply meaningful connection with another person but instead feels emotionally distant, they may struggle to make sense of their feelings.
Another cause of relational disappointment is cultural differences between partners. Service members often encounter different attitudes towards sex, sexuality, eroticism, and/or intimacy in other countries than in their own.
Some cultures view public displays of affection as taboo, while others see them as normal. Some cultures emphasize traditional gender roles, which can create tension for individuals who identify outside of those roles. These differences can lead to misunderstandings and communication breakdowns that damage relationships.
Language barriers can exacerbate these issues. If military personnel cannot communicate effectively with potential partners due to linguistic or cultural differences, they may feel isolated and lonely. This can make it harder to build trust, establish rapport, and connect on a deeper level.
Service members also face challenges related to the nature of their deployments themselves. Long periods away from home, limited access to technology, and high stress levels all contribute to difficulties maintaining healthy relationships. Military couples must navigate complex logistics to stay connected, including scheduling time for phone calls, video chats, and visits when possible. They may experience anxiety about missing important milestones or missing out on opportunities to bond with loved ones back home. These factors can add up over time and strain even the strongest relationships.
To cope with relational disappointment abroad, service members use various strategies. Some turn to hobbies or activities that provide distraction and comfort, such as reading books or playing games. Others seek support from friends or family members through letters, emails, or social media. Still, others engage in risky behaviors like excessive drinking or casual sex to temporarily alleviate negative emotions.
These coping mechanisms are not always effective in the long run and can cause further problems down the road.
Relational disappointment is a common challenge faced by military personnel while deployed abroad. It arises from unrealistic expectations, cultural differences, and logistical hurdles, among other factors. To process this disappointment, service members often turn to distractions, support networks, and risky behaviors. Understanding the causes of relational disappointment and finding healthier ways to cope can help service members build stronger relationships and improve overall well-being.
How do service members process relational disappointment that emerges when expectations formed at home conflict with lived experiences abroad?
The majority of service members experience relational disappointment due to mismatching expectations between what they expected from their family back home compared to what they have experienced while deployed overseas. This can be especially difficult for those who are single or have left behind young children. The reasons for these differences in expectations may include cultural differences between the two locations, changes in relationships during deployment, or simply unmet expectations related to how much time is spent together or apart.