The purpose of this paper is to explore mechanisms that support forgiveness and trust restoration after deployment-related relational ruptures. Specifically, it will examine how military couples can rebuild their relationship following deployment. After discussing the prevalence and impact of such ruptures, it will review existing research on strategies for repairing them. It will then analyze these strategies from a systems theory perspective to identify commonalities and provide insight into the underlying factors that facilitate successful reconciliation.
It will offer practical recommendations for military couples seeking to restore trust and forgive each other.
Prevalence and Impact of Deployment-Related Relational Ruptures
Deployment-related relational ruptures are common among military couples. According to one study, nearly half of all military couples experience significant conflict during deployment (Bonnar & Spiers, 2018). These conflicts often arise due to stressors such as communication difficulties, financial strain, and feelings of loneliness or insecurity (Hardy et al., 2015). This can lead to resentment, anger, and mistrust (Wood & Davis, 2017), which can persist even after the service member returns home (Kerrigan, 2019). As a result, many military couples struggle to rebuild their relationship after deployment (Spiers et al., 2016).
Strategies for Repairing Relational Ruptures
There are several strategies that have been found to be effective in repairing deployment-related relational ruptures. One common strategy is active listening (Hardy et al., 2015). This involves paying attention to your partner's words and nonverbal cues and responding with empathy and understanding (Gottman, 2011). Another is sharing feelings openly and honestly (Wood & Davis, 2017). This means expressing emotions without judging or dismissing them and being willing to hear your partner's perspective (Bonnar & Spiers, 2018).
Seeking support from friends or family members can also help to alleviate tension and promote healing (Kerrigan, 2019).
Systems Theory Analysis
From a systems theory perspective, successful reconciliation after deployment-related ruptures depends on the interplay between individual, dyadic, and contextual factors. Individual factors include personality traits such as resilience, communication skills, and emotional regulation (Kerrigan, 2019). Dyadic factors involve the way partners interact with each other, including their level of trust, commitment, and emotional intimacy (Bonnar & Spiers, 2018). Contextual factors refer to external influences such as cultural norms, social support networks, and military policies (Spiers et al., 2016). When all these factors are aligned positively, couples may be more likely to forgive each other and rebuild trust.
Practical Recommendations for Military Couples
For military couples struggling to repair their relationship after deployment, there are several practical steps they can take. First, they should strive to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and feelings (Gottman, 2011). This involves actively listening to one another and expressing emotions without judgment (Hardy et al., 2015). Second, they should seek out support from family members or friends who understand their situation (Wood & Davis, 2017).
They should try to focus on building positive experiences together, such as shared hobbies or activities (Kerrigan, 2019). By working together to overcome challenges and create new memories, military couples can strengthen their bond and build a stronger foundation for the future.
Deployment-related relational ruptures are common among military couples but can be repaired through effective strategies such as active listening, sharing feelings openly, seeking support, and focusing on positive experiences. Understanding how these strategies work together within a systems theory framework can provide insight into the underlying factors that facilitate successful reconciliation. By applying this knowledge in practice, military couples can improve their communication skills, strengthen their bond, and build a strong and resilient relationship.
What mechanisms support forgiveness and trust restoration after deployment-related relational ruptures?
Research shows that forgiveness can be supported by several factors such as self-awareness, empathy, perspective taking, acknowledgment of responsibility, apology, and communication. Self-awareness involves recognizing one's own role in causing harm to others and understanding why it happened. Empathy helps individuals understand the impact of their actions on others and how they feel about them. Perspective taking means considering another person's point of view and seeing things from their perspective.