Due to the nature of their jobs, many veterans experience trauma during active duty that affects them psychologically even after they have left the army. One such effect is difficulty managing strong emotions. When this happens in personal relationships, it can cause tension between partners and lead to breakups, which may create social stigma for the veteran who then struggles to find another partner. This article will explore how military conditioning causes veterans to struggle with civilian intimacy expectations and what relational consequences arise from these difficulties.
The military prepares individuals for dangerous situations where they must suppress negative emotions like fear or sadness and focus solely on completing their mission. This training instills an ability to manage strong feelings quickly and efficiently, but it also makes it harder for them to express those emotions in healthy ways when they return home.
A veteran might bottle up frustration instead of talking about it with a partner, leading to resentment and conflict.
Many veterans are used to giving orders rather than following them, which could make it difficult for them to be submissive to a romantic partner's needs.
Some veterans develop hypervigilance, meaning they become more attuned to potential threats and danger signals. In relationships, this can manifest as suspicion and paranoia towards their partner, making them doubt their motives and intentions. Veterans may become overprotective or jealous, causing problems if they misinterpret their partner's actions. They may also feel anxious or irritable around people outside their relationship, potentially alienating friends and family members.
Veterans often have difficulty understanding nonverbal cues, such as facial expressions and body language, which can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings during conversations. They may not know how to interpret subtle signs that someone wants attention, comfort, or affection. As a result, partners who try to show support or intimacy may come off as clingy or needy, creating distance between the couple.
Another challenge is dissociation, where veterans mentally check out from reality and experience distortions in time and space. This can cause communication breakdowns and confusion in relationships because partners don't understand what their loved one is going through. It can also lead to emotional detachment, where veterans shut down emotionally and stop expressing themselves fully. Partners might then feel rejected or unloved, leading to further conflict.
These difficulties can result in many relational consequences for veterans.
They may struggle with trust issues, feeling like no one truly understands them, or becoming isolated due to their inability to connect on an intimate level. Some may even turn to addictive behaviors like alcohol or drugs to cope with these challenges.
It's crucial for both veterans and their partners to seek professional help and learn healthy coping strategies to manage these challenges together.
What relational consequences arise when veterans struggle to align their military-conditioned emotional regulation with civilian intimacy expectations?
Veterans who have difficulty adjusting to civilian life after returning from war may experience challenges in forming close relationships. This can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and depression. As they try to navigate these new and often unfamiliar social situations, it becomes difficult for them to connect with others on an emotional level. They may find themselves unable to express their feelings effectively, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.