Japanese society has been characterized by traditional gender roles and strict social norms that govern every aspect of daily life, including marriage and sexual relations. While these societal expectations have changed somewhat in recent years, they still influence how individuals negotiate their sexual desires, relational satisfaction, and emotional intimacy within marriage. In this article, I will explore how Japanese marital and sexual norms affect negotiation of these aspects of a relationship.
Negotiating Sexual Desire
One of the primary ways that Japanese marital and sexual norms impact negotiations of sexual desire is through the idea of "shikata ga nai" or "it can't be helped." This phrase refers to the concept that there are certain things in life that cannot be avoided or controlled, which can include everything from natural disasters to being late for work. In terms of sexuality, it suggests that certain behaviors are simply part of one's personality or disposition and should not be questioned.
If a husband prefers to engage in more aggressive sex acts than his wife, she may accept this behavior as unchangeable rather than trying to discuss her needs with him. Similarly, if a man feels like he must have multiple partners outside of his marriage, he may believe there is nothing he can do about it and therefore never broach the subject with his partner.
This attitude towards sexuality can lead to dissatisfaction and frustration within a relationship, as both partners may feel unable to express their own preferences and needs. It can also create resentment and distance between them, as they feel trapped in a cycle of incompatibility without any hope for resolution.
Relational Satisfaction
Another way that Japanese marital and sexual norms influence relational satisfaction is by prioritizing harmony over individual desires. The concept of wa (和) or social harmony emphasizes the importance of maintaining a smooth and peaceful home environment above all else. As a result, individuals may feel pressure to sacrifice their personal needs for the sake of preserving the status quo. This means they may avoid conflicts or confrontations that could upset their partner, even if doing so would improve their overall happiness.
They may conform to societal expectations for gender roles, such as women staying at home and men working outside the home, which can lead to resentment and a lack of fulfillment on both sides.
Emotional Intimacy
Japanese marital and sexual norms can impact emotional intimacy through the idea of "enryo" (縁戚), or family ties. In many cases, individuals are expected to marry someone from their hometown or who shares similar cultural backgrounds, which can limit opportunities for finding a compatible partner.
Arranged marriages were once commonplace in Japan, meaning individuals had little say in choosing their spouse. While these practices have largely fallen out of favor, they still contribute to a sense of obligation and duty towards one's partner rather than genuine attraction or affection.
Societal expectations around gender roles and communication can make it difficult for couples to develop a deep emotional connection. Men are often expected to be stoic and avoid expressing their feelings, while women are supposed to be submissive and caretaking. This dynamic can create barriers to intimacy and understanding between partners.
Traditional Japanese marital and sexual norms place a great deal of emphasis on social harmony and conformity, which can negatively affect negotiations of desire, relational satisfaction, and emotional intimacy within marriage.
There is some evidence that younger generations are beginning to challenge these conventions and prioritize individual desires and needs over societal expectations, potentially leading to more satisfying and fulfilling relationships.
How do Japanese marital and sexual norms affect negotiation of sexual desire, relational satisfaction, and emotional intimacy?
Japanese marriage is based on mutual respect and loyalty between spouses rather than passion. While many young people are open to dating and casual sex, they often choose to wait until marriage for their romantic relationships and remain monogamous throughout it. Many women see sexual desire as something that wanes with time and view sex primarily as an obligation to their husbands.