Sexual identity is a complex construct that encompasses one's conception of oneself as an erotic being, including physical desires, emotional experiences, and social expectations. People often have an idealized notion of their sexual selves, which may or may not match reality. Discrepancies can arise from factors such as cultural norms, personal experiences, and partner preferences. This article explores how individuals manage such discrepancies psychologically, focusing primarily on heterosexual couples but also considering LGBTQ+ populations.
There are several strategies that individuals may employ to reconcile ideal and relational selves. One common approach is cognitive reframing, whereby people alter their perceptions of themselves and their partners to align with what they see as realistic.
If one partner has high libido and the other low, they might come to accept this difference rather than dwelling on it. Another strategy involves communication and compromise, in which both parties agree to modify their behaviors to meet each other's needs while preserving some individuality.
Some people resort to external resources like pornography or masturbation to satisfy unmet sexual desires without upsetting their relationships.
These strategies require self-awareness and openness to change, making them challenging for some individuals.
Gender roles and societal norms play a significant role in shaping our sexual identities and expectations. These norms dictate what is "normal" for men and women in terms of desire, behavior, and expression, creating pressure to conform. Men may feel obligated to perform masculinity, while women must be submissive and attentive to male pleasure. As such, individuals may struggle to express their true erotic interests, fearing judgment or dismissal. Nonetheless, many individuals have successfully navigated these tensions by embracing alternative lifestyles, including polyamory, BDSM, and non-monogamy.
Managing discrepancies between ideal and relational sexual selves requires self-reflection, communication, and willingness to adapt. While cultural pressures can make this difficult, many solutions exist, from personal growth to relationship modification. By understanding these issues and addressing them proactively, couples can build more satisfying and fulfilling intimate lives.
How do individuals psychologically manage discrepancies between their ideal sexual self and their relational sexual self?
Individuals may use several strategies to cope with differences between their ideal and relational sexual selves. One strategy is to modify their expectations of the relationship or themselves to be more realistic, such as accepting that their partner may not always meet their needs or finding satisfaction in other areas of the relationship. Another strategy is to seek therapy to address underlying issues causing the disparity, such as childhood trauma or attachment styles.