When a person experiences the death of someone who is important to them, they might feel intense pain and sadness. This experience is called grieving. Grieving can be an incredibly personal process that looks different for everyone. For those who identify as LGBTQ+, grief can look very different than what many straight people might imagine. LGBTQ+ individuals have unique social challenges when it comes to mourning their loved ones, especially if those loved ones are also LGBTQ+. When someone from the LGBTQ+ community loses a close friend, partner, family member, or pet, they may find themselves feeling more isolated than they would otherwise because their losses go unacknowledged by society at large. The loss of someone who is queer is often invisible to others and this makes it difficult to discuss openly.
There are no established rituals or customs for queer grief which leads to even greater isolation. In addition to these challenges, many times the relationship between the deceased and the survivor was non-traditional in some way such as being polyamorous, kinky, transgender, or sexually fluid - all things that do not fit into traditional societal norms. These differences lead to feelings of shame and guilt around one's own identity and sexuality as well as difficulty accessing support systems.
Queer grief is characterized by feelings of disconnection from both mainstream culture and other members of the LGBTQ+ community. While friends and family may show up initially after a death, they may withdraw as time goes on leaving the bereaved person feeling even more alone. This lack of support can cause further damage to already fragile emotional states.
Many times the bereaved person will need to explain their relationships with the deceased over and over again leading them to feel like an outsider even within their own community. They may begin to question whether or not they truly belong in their chosen community if those around them seem unable or unwilling to understand what they have lost. This experience can be incredibly isolating and lonely.
Conventional mourning tends to focus on loss while queer grief also takes into account the social context surrounding the loss.
If a member of the LGBTQ+ community loses someone who was also part of the community, they may face discrimination because of their shared status. This can make it difficult for them to access certain services or receive proper recognition for their loved one's passing. In addition, this type of grieving often involves processing feelings related to internalized homophobia and transphobia which can be very painful. The individual must come to terms with how society views them and their relationship(s) and may find themselves questioning their own worthiness or deservingness of love and acceptance.
Traditional grief models do not always take into consideration sexual orientation or gender identity when offering advice or resources. This means that many individuals are left without any guidance during the healing process. Some turn to online communities where others share similar experiences but this is no substitute for professional help from mental health providers trained specifically in working with LGBTQ+ clients.
Queer grief requires a different approach than conventional bereavement due to its unique challenges and stigmas associated with being both queer and losing someone close to you.
How does queer grief differ from conventional mourning, especially in contexts where losses are socially unacknowledged?
The experience of grief can be unique for individuals who identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community due to various reasons such as social stigma, lack of acceptance, and discrimination. Queer grief refers to the specific set of feelings and experiences that arise when one has lost someone they love or valued in their life, but do not have access to traditional forms of support or recognition of their loss.