Soldiers face unique challenges when it comes to navigating their personal lives, including their sexual and romantic relationships. One of these is how they can share private details about themselves without fear of being judged or rejected by peers or superiors. In this article, I will explore how soldiers handle the process of disclosing personal information during service and provide examples from real experiences.
Let's define what "relational disclosure" means for soldiers. It refers to the act of revealing information about one's self - such as sexual identity, preferences, or beliefs - to another person who may hold authority over them, like a commanding officer or fellow soldier. This can be particularly difficult because many military cultures emphasize conformity and avoidance of controversy. Soldiers are expected to keep their personal lives separate from their professional lives, which means that sharing too much about oneself may put them at risk of being labeled as unfit for duty or being ostracized by their colleagues.
Some soldiers find ways to negotiate this dilemma by engaging in what sociologists call "strategic relational disclosure." This involves carefully selecting which aspects of their personal life they choose to disclose and when, based on factors such as the other person's attitude towards LGBTQ+ people or their own level of comfort with revealing certain details.
A bisexual female soldier might only tell her closest friends about her sexual orientation rather than openly discuss it around others who might not understand or accept it.
Other soldiers use humor or jokes as a way of indirectly communicating sensitive information without directly confronting it head-on.
A gay male soldier might make jokes about his partner or share stories about his relationship challenges while on deployment. These subtle approaches allow him to share some information without fully outing himself, which helps build trust and understanding among his peers.
In addition to these strategies, soldiers also look for allies within their unit who have similar experiences and can offer support and encouragement. They may create an informal network of friends or partners who can provide a safe space for sharing private thoughts and feelings. This allows them to feel less isolated and more connected to their community, even if they must maintain secrecy outside of that group.
Navigating relational disclosure is a complex process for any soldier, but especially so for those facing discrimination or social reprisal due to their identity. By using creative approaches and finding support networks, however, soldiers can find ways to communicate important parts of themselves without risking their safety or professional standing.
How do soldiers negotiate relational disclosure while fearing discrimination or social reprisal?
While fearing discrimination or social reprisal, some soldiers might choose to refrain from discussing certain topics with their peers, such as their sexual orientation, religion, political views, or personal traumatic experiences. In such cases, they may resort to indirect communication strategies, such as using code words or avoiding sensitive topics altogether.