I will explore the question of whether a frigid person can warm up to an environment that is conducive to empathy, attunement, and slow time instead of pressure or demand. To do so, I will examine three different perspectives on frigidity and discuss their implications for understanding the nature of the problem. I will then present evidence from research on the effects of empathy, attunement, and slow time on the expression of sexual desire and intimacy.
I will offer some practical suggestions for how couples can create such an atmosphere in their own relationships.
First Perspective: Frigidity as a Deficit Model
The first perspective on frigidity is what psychologist David Schnarch calls the "deficit model." This view sees frigidity as an inherent lack or deficiency within the individual, which must be addressed through therapeutic intervention or pharmaceutical treatment. From this perspective, frigidity is something that can never be overcome without outside help, and attempts to overcome it are likely to fail.
There are several problems with this approach.
It fails to acknowledge the role of social and cultural factors in shaping sexual behavior. People who grow up in cultures where sex is taboo may have difficulty expressing their desires even when they feel them deeply. Second, it assumes that all individuals are motivated by the same needs and desires, but this is clearly not the case. Third, it fails to recognize the importance of context and environment in shaping sexual behavior.
If a couple's sex life has become stale or routine, they may need to try new things together rather than focusing exclusively on the individual's "issues."
Second Perspective: Frigidity as a Response to Anxiety
The second perspective on frigidity sees it as a response to anxiety. In this view, people become frigid when they feel anxious about the potential consequences of expressing their sexual desire, either because they fear rejection or because they have internalized negative messages about their own body image or sexuality. To overcome this, couples can work on reducing stress and building trust in each other. They can also engage in activities that promote relaxation and intimacy, such as massages or baths together.
This perspective recognizes that some people may have more difficulty overcoming their anxieties than others, but it does not assume that they will always remain frigid. With enough time and effort, many people can learn to relax and enjoy sex without feeling pressured or anxious.
This approach still ignores the role of context and environment in promoting sexual expression.
Third Perspective: Frigidity as a Sign of Disconnection
The third perspective on frigidity sees it as a sign of disconnection between partners. In this view, frigid individuals are simply not experiencing the emotional connection necessary for sexual arousal and pleasure. To overcome this, couples must focus on creating an atmosphere of attunement and empathy. This means listening to each other's needs and desires, being willing to try new things together, and taking the time to build a strong bond outside of the bedroom.
This perspective recognizes that some people may be more prone to feelings of disconnection than others, but it assumes that all couples can create a warm and loving relationship if they make the effort. It also acknowledges the importance of slowing down and enjoying the journey, rather than rushing towards orgasm. By focusing on these principles, couples can create an atmosphere where frigidity is less likely to persist.
Can frigidity dissolve in an atmosphere of empathy, attunement, and slow time rather than pressure or demand?
The notion that frigidity can be resolved through empathy, connection, and patience is not supported by research. Frigidity is a complex phenomenon with numerous potential causes, including physical and psychological factors such as sexual trauma, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Therefore, addressing it may require specialized therapy techniques from qualified professionals.