Erotic shame is a negative feeling associated with one's own body and sexual desires that occurs when they are in conflict with societal expectations and conventions regarding appropriate sexual behavior. Authoritarian gender norms dictate what is deemed appropriate and acceptable for men and women to think about their bodies and how to behave in terms of sexual expression, leading to widespread social shaming of individuals who do not conform. This shame can manifest itself in different ways depending on the individual and their particular experiences, but some common patterns include self-hatred, internalized misogyny/misandry, fear of rejection, difficulty achieving orgasm, and avoidance of physical contact. In this article, I will explore these patterns in detail and examine the role of authoritarian gender norms in creating them.
One pattern of erotic shame resulting from authoritarian gender norms is self-hatred. Individuals who fail to meet society's expectations of masculinity or femininity may experience feelings of inferiority and self-loathing, as well as a desire to change themselves to fit into these roles.
Cisgender males who identify as gay or bisexual may feel ashamed of their attraction towards other men because it does not align with traditional ideas of masculinity. They may also be pressured to hide their true identity out of fear of being ostracized by friends, family, or the wider community. As a result, they may develop an intense inner hatred towards themselves, which could lead to anxiety and depression.
Another pattern is internalized misogyny/misandry, where individuals judge themselves based on stereotypes associated with their gender. Women who have sex before marriage, for instance, may feel ashamed of themselves for engaging in behavior that goes against societal expectations of purity and virtue. Similarly, men who do not conform to traditional ideals of masculinity may criticize themselves for failing to live up to these standards, leading to feelings of guilt and self-loathing. This can manifest itself in various ways, including low self-esteem, depression, and even self-harm.
Fear of rejection is another common pattern, particularly in relationships. Men and women may avoid expressing certain desires out of fear of how their partners will respond, especially if those desires are considered unconventional. This can lead to a lack of intimacy and a sense of loneliness within the relationship.
People may hesitate to initiate sexual activity due to fears of judgment or ridicule from others.
Some individuals experience difficulties achieving orgasm due to shame stemming from authoritarian gender norms.
Cisgender males may struggle to achieve climax because they have been conditioned to associate pleasure solely with penetrative sex, while cisgender females may be too ashamed of their bodies to enjoy vaginal stimulation. This can lead to frustration, resentment, and ultimately a disconnect between partners. Avoidance of physical contact is another pattern, as individuals may feel embarrassed by their own body or afraid of what others might think about them based on their appearance.
Erotic shame is a widespread issue that stems from authoritarian gender norms. These norms dictate what is acceptable behavior and appearance for men and women, creating strict social expectations that can lead to feelings of inferiority, anxiety, and isolation. By exploring these patterns and challenging societal norms, we can work towards greater acceptance and understanding of different forms of expression, helping to reduce the negative impact of erotic shame on individuals' lives.
How do authoritarian gender norms create specific patterns of erotic shame?
According to research on sex and sexuality conducted by social scientists, authoritarian gender norms can create specific patterns of erotic shame that are related to the ways people view themselves as men or women, their sense of gender identity, and how they perceive the expectations placed upon them based on their biological sex.