In a committed relationship, erotic safety is an important component that contributes to the overall satisfaction and wellbeing of both partners. Erotic safety refers to feeling secure, safe, and comfortable exploring one's sexual desires and needs without fear of judgement, rejection, or criticism from their partner.
Trauma can disrupt this sense of security and create a breach in trust and vulnerability between partners, leading to issues such as anxiety, depression, and even sexual dysfunction. Trauma can manifest itself in various forms, including childhood abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, or military combat experiences, among others. When these events happen, they often leave emotional scars that affect how people view themselves, others, and the world around them. This can include feelings of shame, guilt, fear, and distrust, which can make it difficult for individuals to fully engage in intimacy and eroticism with their partners. The effects of trauma are far-reaching, impacting not just the individual but also those who love them, creating a ripple effect that can have long-term consequences on relationships.
One way trauma disrupts erotic safety is by causing anxiety and uncertainty about being open and honest about one's desires and fantasies. Individuals may feel ashamed or embarrassed about certain desires due to past experiences, making it challenging to communicate effectively with their partner. They may avoid discussing certain topics out of fear of triggering painful memories or upsetting their partner. This lack of communication leads to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and resentment, further damaging the relationship.
Traumatic events can lead to physical symptoms like hypervigilance, difficulty relaxing, and heightened arousal, which can negatively impact sex and intimacy.
A person experiencing flashbacks during sexual activity may become overwhelmed, leading to panic attacks or withdrawal from the encounter.
Trauma can create distance between partners by fostering mistrust and suspicion. Individuals may doubt their partner's intentions or motives, feeling as if they cannot rely on them for emotional support or connection. This can result in a lack of intimacy and eroticism, making it hard to establish a secure attachment bond necessary for healthy relationships. It can also make it difficult to trust oneself and allow oneself to be vulnerable emotionally, affecting how individuals view themselves and others. Trauma can also cause self-doubt and self-criticism, making it hard to connect emotionally and physically with their partner. In such cases, individuals may feel unworthy or undeserving of love, making it difficult to engage in erotic activities that require vulnerability and openness.
Trauma can also lead to feelings of shame and guilt, causing individuals to question their worthiness of being loved and desired. They may believe they are damaged goods, unable to meet their partner's needs or desires, leading to feelings of rejection and abandonment. These feelings can further damage the relationship, creating additional barriers to intimacy and communication. Moreover, traumatic experiences can lead to changes in sexual desire, interest, and arousal, impacting the frequency and quality of sex within the relationship.
An individual who has experienced sexual assault may have difficulty becoming aroused or orgasming due to feelings of fear and anxiety. This can create resentment and frustration, adding tension to the relationship.
Trauma can significantly impact erotic safety by disrupting communication, creating mistrust, fostering shame, guilt, and self-doubt, and altering sexual desire and interest. To overcome these challenges, partners need to work together towards healing and recovery. This involves seeking professional help, addressing past trauma, establishing boundaries, and working on trust and communication skills. With time and effort, couples can regain a sense of erotic safety, creating a safe space for exploration and intimacy.
The journey requires patience, empathy, understanding, and commitment from both parties. By recognizing and addressing the effects of trauma on erotic safety, couples can build stronger relationships and improve overall satisfaction and wellbeing.
How does trauma disrupt erotic safety in committed partnerships?
Traumatic experiences can lead to a loss of trust, intimacy, empathy, and vulnerability, which are all essential components of a healthy and secure romantic relationship. Trauma survivors may experience intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, and avoidance, making it difficult for them to feel safe in their relationships.