Fear of Emotional Sameness Drives Search for Unpredictable Partners
Imagine being with someone who understands your needs, shares your values, respects your boundaries, listens to you attentively, makes an effort to connect with you emotionally, and is generally supportive throughout life's ups and downs. This sounds like a dream relationship, but it may also be boring after some time. Humans are creatures that seek novelty and variety, so having too much emotional sameness can become a burden for both partners. The fear of emotional sameness can drive people to seek unpredictable partners with whom they share less in common.
Emotional sameness refers to the level of similarity between two people's feelings, thoughts, and experiences. When two people have similar personalities, interests, backgrounds, beliefs, and communication styles, they tend to get along well and enjoy each other's company.
When this degree of emotional sameness becomes too high, it can lead to complacency, boredom, or even stagnation in the relationship. This may result in one partner feeling trapped, suffocated, or insecure, leading them to seek out new relationships that offer excitement and adventure.
If two people have been together for a long time, they may start to feel comfortable and safe with each other. They know what to expect from their partner and may no longer need to put in much effort into maintaining the relationship. But over time, they may also lose interest in each other and look elsewhere for something different. Someone who has been in a monogamous relationship for years may find themselves fantasizing about other people and seeking out flings because they crave a sense of danger and uncertainty.
To avoid this, couples may deliberately introduce new factors into their relationship by doing things differently than before, such as trying new hobbies or activities, taking on challenges, or engaging in risky behavior. For others, however, the search for unpredictable partners is more about finding someone completely different from themselves so that they don't become bored or stuck in a rut.
The search for unpredictable partners can be risky because it often involves dating people who are emotionally distant, unavailable, or unstable. These types of relationships can leave both partners vulnerable to hurt feelings and disappointment. It's important for individuals to weigh the benefits and drawbacks of pursuing an unpredictable partner and consider whether they truly want this type of dynamic long-term.
Emotional sameness in a relationship can lead to complacency and boredom, but it doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. Couples should work to keep things fresh and exciting, while still valuing their bond. If the desire for excitement and adventure becomes too strong, it may be necessary to explore alternative relationship structures or seek counseling to help navigate these desires safely.
How does fear of emotional sameness drive the search for unpredictable partners?
Fear of emotional sameness is often driven by an individual's desire for excitement and adventure. This can lead to a search for unpredictable partners who are different from oneself and offer new experiences. The need for novelty and avoidance of boredom may be rooted in a personality trait such as sensation seeking, which refers to the tendency to seek out thrilling and exciting situations.