Sexual needs are an integral part of human nature and play a crucial role in maintaining healthy relationships.
When there is a divergence in sexual needs between partners, it can create cognitive dissonance, which refers to the mental discomfort experienced when one's beliefs, values, or behaviors contradict each other. This dissonance can lead to significant tension, anxiety, and guilt, making the relationship unbearable. In this essay, I will examine how sexual desires that differ between partners contribute to cognitive dissonance and discuss philosophical frameworks that explain this tension between desire and responsibility.
The primary cause of this tension is the conflict between individual freedom and moral obligations. According to Immanuel Kant, humans have a duty to respect others as ends in themselves, meaning they must treat them as autonomous individuals deserving of equal consideration. Therefore, pursuing one's sexual interests may compromise the autonomy of the partner, leading to a dilemma between selfishness and morality.
If Partner A wants sex more often than Partner B but does not want to discuss their needs due to embarrassment or shame, it creates a problem because Partner B's sexual desires do not align with Partner A's.
One way to resolve the issue is by addressing the underlying problem causing the discrepancy in sexual needs. It could be due to past trauma, insecurity, fear of rejection, or lack of communication. Couples should talk about their sexual fantasies openly without judgments and try to explore each other's preferences. If the problem persists, therapy can help identify the root causes and develop strategies for mutual satisfaction. Another option is to negotiate boundaries and compromises that accommodate both parties' needs. The couple must agree on what activities are acceptable, when and where they occur, and how often.
Even after taking these steps, there may still be tension if the partners have different views on monogamy, exclusivity, and infidelity. Some believe in non-monogamous relationships, while others prefer monogamy. These differences require couples to define their values and expectations early in the relationship to avoid conflicts later. Kantianism argues that following your sexual impulses leads to exploitation of others, so one should strive for moral imperative rather than pleasure.
Utilitarianism suggests prioritizing happiness and minimizing pain, which means engaging in pleasurable behaviors like extramarital affairs to enhance wellbeing.
Cognitive dissonance arises from the conflict between individual freedom and moral obligation. Resolving this discomfort requires effective communication, boundary setting, and understanding of personal and philosophical beliefs. By acknowledging these factors, couples can find a balance between desire and responsibility, creating healthy relationships built on trust, respect, and mutual fulfillment.
How do sexual needs that diverge between partners create cognitive dissonance, and what philosophical frameworks can explain the resulting tension between desire and responsibility?
In some cases, when individuals experience strong sexual desires for their partner, it may cause them to feel conflicted about their actions due to personal values or belief systems. This conflict is known as cognitive dissonance, which is characterized by experiencing inconsistencies between one's thoughts and behaviors (Festinger 1957).