Queer‑friendship‑as‑chosen‑family is an increasingly popular term among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, asexual, and queer communities. It refers to the creation of family units outside of biological ties that are based on shared values and emotional bonds rather than genetics. This type of relationship can provide support for individuals who may not have access to traditional familial structures due to discrimination or stigma surrounding their sexual orientation or gender identity. While chosen‑family models have been around for centuries, they have recently gained prominence in mainstream culture through TV shows like The L Word and Queer Eye.
What does this phenomenon teach us about non‑normative relationship forms? What do these bonds offer those who form them? How do they fit into larger social structures? And how might they be used to create new relational worlds beyond blood‑ties? In this article, we will explore these questions through various theoretical lenses and practical examples.
Let's examine how queer‑friendship‑as‑chosen‑family fits within broader discussions of non‑normative relationships. For some scholars, these types of connections are key to understanding the construction of identity in marginalized communities. As scholar Lauren Michele Jackson argues, "queerness is inherently relational" because it involves the recognition of shared experience, solidarity, and community-building across difference (Jackson 2018). This means that queer folks often rely on networks of friends and allies for emotional support, political advocacy, and personal growth. Chosen‑family models provide a way to build these ties without relying on heteronormative family structures that may exclude or exclude them. By creating intentional relationships based on mutual care and respect, queer folks can find comfort and validation outside of mainstream norms.
We must consider the obligations that come with forming chosen families. Unlike biological relatives, chosen families require active work to maintain. Members must communicate their needs and desires clearly, set boundaries, and negotiate conflicts when necessary. This requires an honest examination of power dynamics and interpersonal communication skills that may not come naturally to all individuals.
This effort can lead to deeper levels of trust and intimacy than those found in traditional families. As sociologist Erving Goffman writes: "The family is an association wherein the members must behave as if they were siblings, but only as siblings who know each other well enough to recognize that the similarity is fictitious" (Goffman 1963). In contrast, chosen families allow participants to create their own rules and expectations, tailoring them to their unique needs and preferences.
There are also challenges associated with choosing family members.
Some people may feel pressure to maintain close connections even after they no longer align with their values or interests. Others may struggle to establish clear roles and responsibilities within their chosen families. And finally, chosen families may not always be available for emotional support during times of crisis or loss. But overall, the benefits far outweigh these potential drawbacks. Chosen‑family models offer a way to build meaningful relationships without relying on restrictive social norms or unrealistic expectations.
We should examine how queer‑friendship‑as‑chosen‑family fits into larger social structures. While these bonds have been around for centuries, they have recently gained prominence in mainstream culture through TV shows like The L Word and Queer Eye. These examples showcase diverse relationships based on mutual care and respect rather than blood ties. They also highlight the importance of creating intentional communities outside of traditional family structures. By recognizing shared experiences and building new relational worlds, marginalized individuals can find belonging and validation despite societal pressures to conform to heteronormative standards.
Queer‑friendship‑as‑chosen‑family provides an alternative model for non-traditional relationship forms that allows individuals to build community beyond biological ties. Through this framework, we can better understand the construction of identity, obligation, absence, presence, and making relational worlds beyond blood‑ties. By examining the challenges and benefits of chosen family, we can create more inclusive and equitable social structures for all.
What does queer‑friendship‑as‑chosen‑family teach us about non‑normative relationship forms, obligation, absence, presence, and the making of relational worlds beyond blood‑ties?
Queer friendship-as-chosen family is often seen as an alternative to traditional family structures that are based on biology, cultural norms, and expectations. It challenges preconceived notions of what constitutes a "normal" relationship and invites people to reconsider the ways they connect with others. The term can also be used to describe relationships where individuals choose to form their own community and create their own rules for love and support.