Fantasies of dominance and submission are common among people who want to feel safe or exert control over their lives. These desires can manifest in different ways, from roleplaying scenarios that recreate power dynamics to exploring alternative lifestyles like BDSM. In this article, I will explore how these fantasies reflect underlying psychological needs and provide an opportunity to gain insight into one's inner life.
Dominance Fantasies
Dominance fantasies often involve a person taking charge and controlling another person's actions. This may be through verbal commands, physical restraint, or even humiliation. The person being controlled might enjoy it because they crave safety and predictability in their relationships. They seek comfort in the stability and predictability of a dominant partner who takes care of them. By relinquishing control, they can let go of their anxieties about making decisions and trust someone else to handle things for them. It also gives them a sense of security knowing they have someone to lean on.
Submission Fantasies
Submission fantasies involve giving up control and letting someone else take charge. People with submission fantasies might feel they lack agency in their daily lives and desire the freedom to surrender to another person's whims. They may seek out partners who are strong and confident, allowing them to submit and let go of responsibility. By playing the submissive role, they can escape the pressures of everyday life and indulge in their own sensuality without worrying about consequences.
Safety Desires
Both dominance and submission fantasies are rooted in a need for safety. When we feel threatened by external forces beyond our control, such as work stressors or societal expectations, we may turn to fantasy as an escape from reality. We create scenarios where we feel protected and cared for, providing a sense of security that is lacking in real life. Dominant/submissive power dynamics allow us to explore boundaries and test our limits without fear of repercussions. In these scenarios, we can safely express our desires while still feeling in control.
Control Desires
People with control desires may be drawn to fantasies of dominance because they crave a sense of mastery over their lives. By taking charge and controlling others, they can experience a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that may not come naturally in their day-to-day existence. Submission fantasies provide a way to relinquish control and let go of responsibilities, temporarily removing themselves from the stresses of everyday life. Both dominant and submissive roles offer a balance between control and surrender, giving each partner a chance to explore their needs and desires while also fulfilling the other's.
How do fantasies of dominance or submission reveal unconscious desires for safety or control?
Fantasies of dominance or submission can be seen as ways of exploring different dynamics within relationships and sexuality. It may be that people who engage in these types of fantasy have an underlying desire for safety or control, but this is not always the case. For some individuals, it could simply be a way of exploring their desires and interests without any deeper meaning attached to them.