When a couple's sexual identity changes over time, they may struggle to maintain connection. One partner might experience feelings of betrayal if their partner's preferences shift. The other partner may feel confused about how to respond. Here are some strategies for keeping things healthy:
1. Communicate openly. Talking about your changing desires can be difficult, but it is crucial for staying connected. Be honest without judgement or shame. Share what you want and don't want, and let your partner know that you value their opinions. You could say "I feel like I am becoming more interested in BDSM, and wondered if you'd be willing to explore it with me."
2. Keep trying new things. Trying out different activities can help you discover new ways to connect physically and emotionally. Try something that both of you haven't done before, such as roleplaying or taking an erotic vacation. Encourage each other to experiment and learn from mistakes together. Say "Let's try a new position tonight - maybe you can top and I'll bottom."
3. Embrace change. Accept that your needs will likely evolve over time. Some couples have sex less frequently as they age, while others become more experimental. If one person becomes more submissive or dominant, be understanding and flexible. Consider saying "It feels good to try something new, but we should take our time and go slow."
4. Explore non-sexual intimacy. Kissing, cuddling, and massage can deepen your connection even when sexual desire wanes. Find ways to express affection outside the bedroom and maintain physical closeness through touch. Say "I love snuggling on the couch and watching movies - how about we do that tonight?"
5. Seek counseling. A skilled therapist can offer guidance for managing changes in sexual identity and relationship dynamics. They can help you communicate better and work through challenges. Seek therapy by looking up "psychologist" online or asking friends for recommendations. You could say "We need some extra support navigating these changes, so let's find a therapist who specializes in relationships."
6. Practice self-care. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally to feel your best during this transition. Eat well, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Try meditation, journaling, or yoga to manage stress. Share with each other what you are doing to relax, like taking a bath or going for a walk alone. Say "Taking care of myself has been helping me feel more connected with you lately."
7. Remember why you fell in love. Reflect on why you chose each other and commit to keeping that bond strong. Rekindle romance by going out on dates or planning surprises together. Express gratitude for each other's qualities, such as kindness or intelligence. Remind yourself why you wanted to be with them in the first place, saying "I still feel lucky to have found you."
How do partners maintain connection when sexual identity shifts over time?
Partners need to be open about their evolving preferences regarding sex and intimacy as they age together. They should communicate regularly to understand each other's needs and desires and make sure that both of them feel safe and comfortable. Partners can try different ways to spice up their relationship such as experimenting with new positions, incorporating role-playing, or trying out new activities like massage or yoga.