Emotional Intimacy When Trauma Compels Soldiers To Withdraw As Form Of Self-Protection
Emotional intimacy can be challenging even for people without post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or similar trauma.
Individuals who have experienced trauma may find it particularly difficult to establish and maintain meaningful connections with others. For veterans or active military personnel, this struggle is exacerbated by the need to protect themselves from further harm and keep their emotions under control. In this context, partners play a crucial role in fostering emotional intimacy despite the soldier's withdrawal tendencies.
The Need To Protect Oneself From Further Harm
Trauma can cause soldiers to shut down emotionally as a way of self-preservation. This means that they may appear detached, distant, and unemotional, which can make it hard for partners to connect with them.
A soldier who has seen combat or been involved in dangerous situations may feel like they cannot trust anyone else, including their partner. They may also be hypervigilant, constantly scanning their environment for potential threats, making it difficult to relax and let go of their defenses around loved ones.
The Challenge Of Maintaining Emotional Intimacy While Keeping Distance
Partners should understand that their soldier's withdrawal is not personal and does not mean that they do not love or care about them. It is simply a coping mechanism that allows the soldier to deal with their trauma.
This behavior can lead to misunderstandings and frustration, particularly if the partner feels like their needs are being ignored. Partners should communicate openly with their soldier about how they feel and try to understand where the soldier is coming from.
Strategies For Fostering Emotional Intimacy
There are several strategies that partners can use to foster emotional intimacy while respecting their soldier's need for distance:
Establish Clear Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries helps both parties feel safe and secure.
A soldier may set a rule that they will only discuss certain topics after a certain time or during a designated period of the day. This gives them control over when they want to talk and helps them avoid feeling ambushed by their partner's questions or comments.
Practice Active Listening
Active listening involves paying attention to what the other person says without interrupting or providing judgment. By actively listening, partners show that they value their soldier's opinions and experiences, even if they don't agree with everything they say. This demonstrates empathy and support, which can help build trust between the two individuals.
Show Physical Affection
Physical affection, such as holding hands or cuddling, can provide comfort and reassurance to soldiers who struggle with emotions. They may not be comfortable expressing their feelings verbally but can connect through physical touch. Partners should be mindful of their soldier's preferences and limitations, ensuring that any physical contact is consensual and non-invasive.
Be Patient And Supportive
Partners must be patient with their soldier and understand that healing from trauma takes time. They should avoid pressuring their soldier into opening up before they are ready and instead focus on being supportive and understanding. This can involve offering practical assistance, like helping with chores or childcare, or simply lending an ear when needed.
Fostering emotional intimacy in relationships with veterans or active military personnel requires patience, understanding, and respect for boundaries. By establishing clear communication channels, practicing active listening, showing physical affection, and being patient and supportive, partners can create a safe environment where their soldier feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without fear of reprisal.
How do partners foster emotional intimacy when trauma compels soldiers to withdraw as a form of self-protection?
Partners can foster emotional intimacy with their traumatized veterans by providing them with consistent support and acceptance, actively listening to their concerns and experiences, engaging in meaningful communication that does not force disclosure, and encouraging healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, meditation, journaling, therapy, and socialization with other veterans.