'Some people identify as demisexual,' meaning they experience sexual attraction only after forming a deep emotional connection. This is different from being asexual, which means someone does not feel sexual attraction at all, but it can be similar to grey-asexuality, where an individual experiences sexual attraction rarely or under specific conditions. Demisexuals typically do not experience spontaneous sexual desire, but rather develop it once they form a close relationship with another person who they trust and love deeply. It may take weeks or months for them to become attracted to their partner, but the feeling is intense and long-lasting. Demisexuals often have difficulty understanding their own feelings and defining themselves within traditional sexual frameworks.
They might wonder if they are simply "broken" or somehow abnormal due to their lack of sexual desire without emotional connection. However, many find freedom and liberation in knowing that there is nothing wrong with them and that their sexuality is valid. Many demisexuals report feeling more satisfied and fulfilled in their relationships than non-demisexual individuals because their love and intimacy can be based solely on emotional closeness rather than physical attraction alone. The term "demisexual" was coined by asexual author and activist, Gwendolyn Smith, in 2006 to describe this unique type of sexuality. Since then, it has grown in popularity among the LGBTQ+ community and beyond.
Demisexuality is not limited to romantic relationships; some people also identify as demiromantic, meaning they only experience romantic attraction after developing an emotional bond. This can be confusing for those who assume that everyone feels physical and emotional attraction simultaneously, but it can also lead to richer, deeper connections between partners. For example, one study found that demisexual men were significantly less likely to engage in casual sex or infidelity than heterosexual men. Additionally, demisexuals reported higher levels of satisfaction with their current relationship status compared to both heterosexual and homosexual counterparts.
Unfortunately, there is still much stigma and misunderstanding around demisexuality in society today. Some people view demisexuals as asexual or undesirable partners due to their lack of spontaneous sexual desire. Others believe that all sexual orientations should involve immediate physical attraction without prior emotional connection. However, research shows that these assumptions are incorrect and potentially harmful. In fact, studies have demonstrated that emotionally intimate relationships tend to be more satisfying and longer-lasting than purely physical ones. Demisexuals deserve respect and understanding, just like anyone else who identifies within the LGBTQ+ spectrum.