There are many theories that explain why humans have sex, including procreation, love, pleasure, bonding, power, and release of stress.
An often neglected aspect is how being deeply seen influences sexual connection. Deep seeing means perceiving another person's thoughts, feelings, motivations, values, intentions, and desires accurately. It requires active listening and observing nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, body language, voice tone, and gestures. When both partners feel seen, they can share their true selves and connect on a deeper level, which can enhance sexual attraction and satisfaction. This article explores this concept through empirical evidence from psychological research, neuroscience, and evolutionary biology.
Deep Seeing Enhances Attraction and Satisfaction
Empirical studies suggest that deep seeing increases arousal and attraction. In one study, participants viewed pictures of strangers and rated them for attractiveness while also receiving feedback about whether they were correctly understood or misunderstood by a partner. Those who felt "understood" found the strangers more attractive than those who did not. Similarly, in another study, people read scenarios about someone being deeply seen by a partner and then rated images of individuals as romantic versus unromantic. They preferred those who had been deeply seen over others. These findings imply that deep seeing enhances physical attraction and desire for intimacy.
Deep Seeing Releases Oxytocin
Neuroscience research shows that oxytocin plays a key role in sexual attraction and bonding. Oxytocin is a hormone produced during orgasm and social bonding activities like holding hands or cuddling. It promotes feelings of trust, empathy, and connection between partners. Therefore, when one feels deeply seen by another person, it can lead to increased release of oxytocin, resulting in stronger sexual desire and better bonding. Studies have shown that couples with higher levels of oxytocin report greater relationship satisfaction and commitment than those with lower levels.
Deep Seeing Promotes Intimacy
Evolutionary psychologists argue that humans evolved to seek out mates who could provide resources and protection to their offspring. Deep seeing helps create such relationships because it reveals information about a potential partner's abilities and intentions towards children.
If a woman sees her partner caring for a child, she may perceive him as more nurturing and desirable. This leads to increased attraction and satisfaction.
Deep seeing facilitates emotional intimacy, which is crucial for long-term relationships. A study found that people in committed relationships felt more satisfied when they were accurately understood by their partners compared to those whose thoughts were misinterpreted.
Being deeply seen positively impacts sexual connection by enhancing arousal, increasing bonding hormones, and facilitating intimate relationships. It requires active listening and observation skills, but the benefits make it worthwhile. By focusing on understanding our partners' inner worlds, we can create deeper connections and more satisfying sex lives.
How does the experience of being deeply seen influence sexual connection?
The concept of "being deeply seen" is often associated with feeling understood and validated by another person. In romantic relationships, this can lead to increased intimacy and vulnerability between partners, which may enhance sexual experiences. When two people feel truly known and accepted for who they are, they may be more willing to share their desires and fantasies with each other, leading to a deeper connection during physical intimacy.