A couple faces many challenges when going through significant life changes together. These may include job loss, death of a loved one, marriage, divorce, relocation to another city or country, having children, retirement, serious illness, starting a new business venture, etc. To cope with these difficult times effectively, both partners need to manage their emotions well and communicate honestly and openly about their fears, anxieties, concerns, hopes, expectations, needs, and desires. Some specific skills that can support couples in aligning their expectations during major life transitions are listed below.
1. Active listening is essential for effective communication. It means fully attending to what your partner says, understanding it, validating their feelings, and asking clarifying questions if necessary. This promotes trust, builds empathy, and prevents misunderstandings. When discussing a major change, try to set aside distractions, stay focused, and avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions.
2. Assertiveness involves expressing yourself clearly and confidently without being aggressive or passive-aggressive. Be direct but respectful and polite, state your opinions and preferences honestly, and listen to your partner's perspectives. Don't make assumptions, generalize, or blame. Use "I" statements rather than "you" statements, such as "I feel nervous about moving to a new city" instead of "You always put me down."
3. Emotional regulation helps you control your emotions so they don't become overwhelming or destructive. Avoid bottling up frustration, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions until you explode later. Find healthy ways to release stress, such as exercise, meditation, journaling, yoga, or therapy. Recognize negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones. Talk openly about your worries and fears and seek reassurance from each other.
4. Empathy refers to putting yourself in someone else's shoes and trying to understand their perspective. Consider how your actions may affect your partner and be willing to compromise for the good of the relationship. Acknowledge their pain, fear, or disappointment and offer support without judgment. Ask questions to gain insight into their feelings and experiences. Try to see things from their point of view before making decisions that will impact both partners.
5. Conflict resolution skills involve resolving disagreements constructively by staying calm, focusing on issues rather than personalities, expressing needs clearly, listening actively, considering alternatives, brainstorming solutions, compromising fairly, apologizing when necessary, and following through on agreements. Avoid name-calling, criticizing, stonewalling, or withdrawing emotionally during discussions. Remember that compromises are not just 50/50 but can sometimes be 60/40, 70/30, or even 80/20.
By mastering these emotional skills, couples can weather major life changes together successfully and emerge stronger and closer than ever. Seek help if needed, whether from a trusted friend, family member, counselor, or therapist.
What emotional skills support partners in aligning expectations during major life changes?
In order for partners to successfully navigate through major life transitions such as marriage, parenthood, career changes, moving, etc. , it is important that they have a certain set of emotional skills. These include empathy, communication, active listening, problem-solving, conflict resolution, and negotiation abilities. Empathy refers to the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, which can help couples better comprehend each other's needs and perspectives.