Fantasies about being dominated or controlled can be a way to cope with feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and perfectionism. They may serve as a means for individuals to seek validation from others, achieve a sense of mastery and security, and escape their internal struggles.
These fantasies often come with negative consequences that can impact both mental and physical health. To better understand this phenomenon, researchers suggest exploring its underlying psychological mechanisms.
One possible explanation is that intense symbolic control represents an unconscious attempt to regain power after experiencing trauma or abuse.
Individuals who have been mistreated in childhood may develop a fear of rejection, abandonment, or betrayal that causes them to feel helpless and dependent on those around them. By projecting these anxieties onto dominant partners, they can assert themselves and avoid feeling vulnerable. Yet, such behavior also comes with risks, including difficulty trusting others, controlling relationships, and forming meaningful connections.
Another reason why people might engage in domination fantasies is to manage their own expectations. Perfectionists tend to set impossibly high standards for themselves and constantly compare themselves to others, which leads to self-critical thoughts and feelings of shame. These feelings are compounded when they fail to meet their goals, resulting in depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Dominance provides a false sense of accomplishment by setting achievable goals that can be achieved through action rather than thought. It allows individuals to gain control over their environment while distracting from the painful emotions associated with failure.
Dominant behavior can also be a way to suppress guilt related to past mistakes. Individuals who struggle with perfectionism may feel guilty about making errors or falling short of expectations, leading to self-loathing, resentment, and anger. They then seek ways to punish themselves and redeem themselves by taking charge of situations. Unfortunately, this only serves as a temporary solution and often reinforces negative beliefs about themselves.
It can lead to damaging behaviors like addiction, aggression, and isolation.
Intense symbolic control reflects the fear of intimacy, which is common among those with trauma histories. People who have experienced abuse, neglect, or abandonment may avoid closeness because it reminds them of their lack of control over their lives. By controlling others, they can maintain distance and safety but also miss out on genuine connections and fulfillment. This cycle perpetuates anxiety and prevents individuals from fully living life.
To address these issues, therapists recommend several strategies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness meditation, and exposure therapy. CBT helps identify harmful patterns of thinking and replace them with more realistic views, while mindfulness teaches awareness and acceptance of feelings without judgment. Exposure therapy exposes patients to feared scenarios in a safe environment, gradually desensitizing them to the triggers that provoke intense emotions. With patience and support, people can learn to challenge unhealthy thought processes, reduce stressors, and create healthier relationships.
How might fantasies involving intense symbolic control reflect struggles with perfectionism, guilt, or self-criticism?
Fantasies involving intense symbolic control can be interpreted as attempts by individuals to cope with feelings of perfectionism, guilt, and self-criticism. Perfectionists may feel an unrelenting pressure to achieve success and avoid failure at all costs, which can lead to excessive worry and anxiety about their performance.