Consensual non-monogamy is an umbrella term for several types of consensual relationship styles that allow partners to have multiple sexual and/or romantic partners outside of their committed pairing while maintaining the primary commitment with one partner. It includes polyamory, open relationships, swinging, polygamy, and more. Consensual non-monogamy can take many different forms, but they all involve communication and transparency between partners. In contrast, BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadomasochism) is a sexual practice that involves physical restraint, power exchange, and sensation play within agreed-upon boundaries.
In BDSM, consent and negotiation are critical because participants need to discuss their limits, preferences, and desires before engaging in any activity. Without clear communication, risks such as injury or emotional distress may arise. Negotiation typically occurs before any BDSM activity begins. Participants negotiate everything from the type of scene to the intensity level. They also discuss safe words, which are used to stop the action if things become too uncomfortable. The submissive often takes on the role of the person who has less power, while the dominant takes on the role of having more power. This dynamic creates power differentials that must be respected through safewords and other safety measures.
Conventional sexual practices do not always require the same level of communication and negotiation. While both partners should communicate their likes and dislikes, there is no formal process for negotiating specific activities like there is in BDSM.
Consent remains essential. Both parties should express enthusiastic consent throughout each encounter, even during penetrative sex. Consent can also be withdrawn at any time without consequence.
The primary difference between consensual non-monogamy and conventional sexual practices is the degree of negotiation required. In consensual non-monogamy, partners discuss their relationship rules and boundaries, including intimacy levels, financial matters, and child care responsibilities. In contrast, conventional sexual practices focus primarily on physical pleasure and only consider the other person's feelings when necessary.
How do consent and negotiation function differently in BDSM versus conventional sexual practices?
The key difference between consent and negotiation in BDSM and conventional sexual practices is that the former typically involves more explicit discussions about boundaries and limits before engaging in any sexual activity while the latter may not always involve such detailed communication beforehand. In BDSM, negotiations often take place beforehand as a way of establishing trust and ensuring that all parties involved are comfortable with what will happen during the session.