Bisexuals are attracted to both men and women. They may have romantic feelings for both genders but do not necessarily want sexual encounters with each gender equally. They may experience different levels of sexual desire towards different genders at different times. Bisexuals may be polyamorous, meaning they are involved with more than one partner. Polyamory implies an open relationship where all parties agree that it is acceptable to have multiple lovers at once. It also implies some form of consensual nonmonogamy. Communication between partners is essential to any healthy relationship.
When bisexuals express their interest in having sex outside of their primary relationship, their partners may feel threatened. The threat could be real or imagined. Some people worry about being betrayed. They may fear losing their spouse's affection if their partner falls in love with someone else. Other concerns include jealousy, rejection, abandonment, or emotional pain.
Many bisexuals struggle to express themselves honestly due to fears of judgment, misunderstanding, or shame. They might feel guilty and ashamed about their desires because society often denies them. Their partners may feel uncomfortable talking about sexual attraction due to social norms against honesty regarding sex, especially in public.
Tips for Communicating About Sexual Attractions
1. Be explicit. Do not assume your partner already knows what you mean when you say "I am attracted to both men and women." Explain yourself clearly and directly. Use simple language that everyone understands. Describe exactly which actions make you aroused and why. Discuss the differences between romantic feelings and sexual desires.
2. Emphasize consent. All sexual encounters must involve explicit consent from all participants. If a partner agrees to non-monogamy but does not want to hear specific details about other partners, respect their wishes. Be open to hearing about your partner's experiences without pressure.
3. Set boundaries. Define clear boundaries before engaging in sexual activities, even if they seem obvious.
State that you will not have threesomes, group sex, or anonymous hookups. Or limit the amount of time spent away from home. Establish rules around discretion, privacy, and safety protocols.
4. Agree on communication guidelines. You can agree to discuss some topics freely while avoiding others. Share what triggers you emotionally and discuss how to handle those situations together. Also, set ground rules for when and where conversations are appropriate. Decide whether to keep certain things private or share with friends and family.
5. Consider counseling. A neutral third party can help couples explore difficult subjects safely. Bisexuals may feel confused or conflicted, especially if they do not fully understand their own feelings. Couples may find it helpful to talk through issues with a professional.
6. Accept the unknown. Sexuality is fluid and ever-changing. What excites one person today might bore them tomorrow. Bisexuals should expect surprises along the way. They may not know who or what arouses them until it happens. Partners need to accept this reality and adjust accordingly.
7. Seek support. Many bisexuals suffer in silence because society denies their right to exist. Friends, family members, co-workers, and community leaders may reject and judge them. It is hard to be honest about desires when those around us don't validate our identities. Find supportive people willing to listen without judgment.
Bisexuality is a valid sexual orientation that requires openness and honesty between partners. Communicating effectively involves respectful listening, empathy, compassion, and understanding. Couples must work together to create boundaries and guidelines that benefit everyone involved. Bisexuals have no obligation to hide their attractions or engage in activities against their will. They deserve love, safety, and security in all relationships.
How can bisexual people communicate honestly with partners about sexual attraction to multiple genders?
While it is important for any partner in a relationship to be open and communicative regarding their romantic and sexual interests, the unique challenges faced by bisexual individuals make it especially crucial that they feel comfortable discussing their attractions with their partners. Bisexual individuals may face social stigma surrounding their identity that can make them feel uncomfortable being forthright about their desires.