Desire is an essential part of human life, encompassing various aspects, including physical hunger and thirst to emotional cravings such as desire for attention, love, and affection. While most people understand what they want from their partners, they do not necessarily know why they want it. Psychology explains that several factors affect the desires for change in relationships, which are crucial for fulfillment and satisfaction. This article explores these underlying psychological processes to shed light on how desire for relational changes occurs.
Pleasure Principle
The pleasure principle states that humans seek out pleasurable experiences while avoiding painful ones. Desires in relationships are no exception; individuals pursue satisfying relationships where there is comfort and enjoyment. When there is pain due to relationship difficulties like abuse, infidelity, or lack of support, people seek change to alleviate that pain.
This does not mean the person will leave the relationship immediately but strives to bring back positivity through compromise and forgiveness. Therefore, desires for change stem from wanting to reduce suffering.
Lack of Satisfaction
People desire changes when they feel dissatisfied with something in their relationship. It could be a lack of communication, intimacy, trust, respect, or commitment. Relationships involve two people who must meet each other's needs to foster mutual growth and development. A relationship is successful if both parties contribute equally to its maintenance. If one feels undervalued, neglected, or unappreciated, he/she may wish to end things or find someone else who meets those needs.
Needs vs Wants
Desires can also come from an unmet need.
A couple may have different sex drives or preferences, leading to sexual tension and frustration. One partner might want more intimate touch than the other, causing them to seek alternative sources of satisfaction. Alternatively, partners may disagree on what they need from each other, such as financial contributions or emotional support. Such differences lead to conflict and ultimately a desire for change since it threatens the relationship's stability and integrity.
Cognitive Dissonance
Human minds are wired to dislike contradictions; hence people try to avoid conflicting beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. When individuals experience incongruence between their actions and thoughts, they tend to resolve it by changing one side - often the behavior. Desires for relational changes occur due to cognitive dissonance, where a person's beliefs and values do not align with reality. They crave change to reduce inconsistency and prevent further discomfort.
Evolutionary Psychology Theory
The evolutionary psychology theory explains that humans evolved through natural selection to survive and pass on genes. It suggests that relationships serve three purposes: reproduction, parenting, and protection. Therefore, desires for change arise when one partner fails to fulfill these functions effectively.
If a woman is pregnant and wants to raise children alone, she may feel dissatisfied and look for alternatives. Similarly, if a man does not protect his family, he may be kicked out of the group and miss out on vital resources like food or shelter, so he seeks security in another place.
Many factors influence our desires for relational changes, including pleasure principle, lack of satisfaction, needs vs. wants, cognitive dissonance, and evolutionary psychology theories. Understanding these processes can help us better navigate relationships and make wise decisions regarding them. Nevertheless, we must acknowledge that change should not be forced but rather a mutual agreement based on respect and communication.
What psychological processes influence desires for relational change?
One of the most influential psychological processes that impact an individual's desire for relational change is their level of satisfaction with their current relationship. If someone is dissatisfied with their relationship, they may begin to feel frustrated and unhappy, which can lead them to consider changing things up. Additionally, a person's past experiences with relationships can also play a role in shaping their desire for change.