When it comes to sexual success, most people are taught to measure it against societal norms and expectations, which often lead to disappointment and frustration.
A new approach is emerging where individuals focus on their own personal satisfaction instead. This method, known as "internal resonance," involves tuning into one's own body and emotions rather than comparing oneself to others. In this article, we will explore how this shift in perspective can result in greater sexual fulfillment and overall wellbeing.
The problem with external standards
In Western society, there are many preconceived notions about what constitutes successful sexual encounters, such as frequency, duration, type of activity, and number of partners. These standards often come from TV shows, movies, social media, pornography, or other sources that paint unrealistic pictures of what sex should look like. When individuals try to meet these ideals, they may feel pressure, guilt, shame, or anxiety if they do not achieve them.
Couples who have trouble conceiving might feel less "sexually successful" because they are not having enough sex or engaging in specific positions. Similarly, women who do not orgasm during intercourse may see themselves as "failed lovers."
The benefits of internal resonance
Internal resonance requires individuals to tune into their own bodies and desires without judgment or comparison. It involves listening to intuition, honoring boundaries, and exploring pleasure in ways that feel authentic and pleasurable.
A couple might experiment with different types of stimulation until they find something that feels good for both partners. Or an individual might take the time to explore solo play before engaging in partnered activities. This approach allows people to focus on what feels right for them instead of trying to live up to societal expectations.
How to cultivate internal resonance
The process of developing internal resonance can be challenging but rewarding. One way to start is by journaling about sexual desires and fantasies. Another is practicing mindfulness meditation, which helps individuals stay present and non-judgmental in the moment.
Communication with partners about desires, fears, and limits can help build trust and intimacy.
Seeking out resources such as books, workshops, or therapy can provide additional guidance and support for this journey.
Embracing authenticity through internal resonance
Measuring success by external standards can lead to dissatisfaction and shame.
Embracing internal resonance allows individuals to connect more deeply with their bodies and desires, leading to greater fulfillment and wellbeing. By practicing mindfulness, open communication, and self-exploration, anyone can learn to tune into their own unique needs and desires, creating a sense of autonomy and agency in their sex life.
What happens when people stop measuring sexual success by external standards and start listening to internal resonance?
When individuals abandon evaluating their sex lives according to external criteria, they may begin recognizing their innermost desires and needs more clearly. They learn how to distinguish between what is truly satisfying for them and what others expect of them. Internal resonance becomes a reliable compass that directs one's actions towards self-exploration and pleasure rather than social approval.