Fantasies are commonplace among adults, but many people experience a strange sensation during fantasy that feels foreign to them. This feeling can be described as a sense of alienation between their imagined desires and their real-world wants. It's possible to enjoy a variety of different types of fantasies, including romantic, sexual, and even violent ones. But when it comes time to act out those desires in reality, they might find themselves struggling with feelings of disconnect. So why is this happening? Let's take a closer look at some potential reasons behind these disconnects.
One reason for the disparity between fantasy and reality could be due to the nature of fantasy itself. Fantasies often involve things that would never actually happen in real life because they are too dangerous, taboo, illegal, or just plain weird.
Someone may have a fetish for dominatrixes but would never want to pursue that interest IRL. Or maybe they have a secret desire to become an astronaut and explore outer space, which is unrealistic given current technology. When you try to translate your fantasy into reality, you risk disappointment if the outcome isn't what you expected.
Another possibility is that the person has simply forgotten how to feel pleasure in the real world. If someone hasn't had sex for a long time (or ever), then they may not remember what pleasures they used to get from physical intimacy. Their brain may be so accustomed to thinking about fantasy scenarios that they forget what actual stimulation feels like. In other words, they may need a refresher course on how to connect with their body again!
A third explanation could be that there's something blocking them from feeling aroused in real life. Perhaps they have anxiety or guilt around sex due to religious beliefs or past trauma. They may also have difficulty getting aroused without visual cues such as pornography or other external stimuli. Without those external stimuli, their mind won't activate certain neurological pathways necessary for sexual excitement. This doesn't mean these individuals are broken; it just means they need to find ways to rewire their brains back toward healthy sexuality.
It's possible that the person simply needs more practice and experience before they can truly know what turns them on in the bedroom. It takes years of trial and error to figure out exactly what type of touch, stroke, position, etc., gives us the most satisfaction. If you haven't tried enough things yet, don't worry – with patience and effort, you'll eventually discover your true desires.
Why do fantasies after abstinence sometimes feel alien or disconnected from real-life desires?
Fantasy is an important way for humans to cope with anxiety and explore their sexuality safely. When we abstain from physical intimacy, our minds may compensate by creating vivid mental images of sexual encounters that are not grounded in reality. These fantasies can be comforting and pleasurable but also detached from our true needs and preferences.