The desire to receive validation is rooted in human nature and can be observed across various contexts, including romantic relationships. Validation refers to the act of seeking approval or acceptance from another person or group of people regarding one's actions, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, or beliefs. In the context of sexual expression, validation can significantly impact how individuals approach and experience their sexual lives.
Let's examine what constitutes validating behavior. Validating behavior entails recognizing and acknowledging another person's desires, needs, perspectives, boundaries, and experiences without imposing one's own agenda or expectations. This behavior promotes open communication, mutual respect, trust, and empathy between partners. It also facilitates the exploration of new ideas, activities, and sensations while ensuring everyone's comfort and safety.
When individuals seek validation for their sexual interests and behaviors, they may compromise their authenticity and true selves. They may engage in acts or pursue preferences that are not aligned with their genuine tastes or preferences solely because they believe others will validate them.
A woman may choose to dress up as a submissive slave during a BDSM session despite disliking it just to satisfy her partner's fantasy. Alternatively, a man may agree to perform certain kinky acts even though he finds them unappealing to avoid embarrassment or rejection by his partner.
Individuals may change their appearance, body type, or sexual performance to meet society's beauty standards.
An overweight individual may starve themselves to fit into societal standards or undergo extensive plastic surgery to be viewed as attractive. Or someone might suppress their sexuality due to cultural norms and values. These distortions often result from internalized messages from media, peers, parents, or other influential groups.
Seeking validation can lead to emotional dependence on one's romantic partner. Individuals may rely on their partner to approve every aspect of their sexual expression, which creates a codependent dynamic where one person has all the power and control. This reliance can create resentment and mistrust if partners disagree on their boundaries, desires, or preferences. It also means that individuals become vulnerable to exploitation, abuse, or manipulation.
While the need for validation is normal and understandable, its impact on sexual expression can be damaging if not managed appropriately. To maintain authenticity in sexual relationships, people must learn to express their needs without judgment, celebrate diversity and uniqueness, respect boundaries, communicate openly, and seek validation within themselves rather than others. By doing so, they can explore their sexuality freely and authentically, experiencing greater pleasure, fulfillment, and intimacy with their partners.
How does the need for validation distort the authenticity of sexual expression?
The need for validation often leads individuals to prioritize others' opinions over their own authentic desires, resulting in inauthentic sexual expression that may not align with their true preferences or values. This can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and dissatisfaction, as well as difficulty forming healthy and fulfilling relationships based on genuine attraction and intimacy.